


forgiveness

by ShadowCr0w



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Angst, Dragon Age: Origins Quest - Broken Circle, F/F, Forgiveness, Talking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-30
Updated: 2020-06-30
Packaged: 2021-03-04 02:41:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,428
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24996298
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShadowCr0w/pseuds/ShadowCr0w
Summary: Even after a decade since the events that led Cullen to spew hatred at the woman he once loved, he still has regrets over what he said. A little talk between him and Leliana might make him feel better or it might make him feel like his life is in danger.
Relationships: Female Amell/Leliana (Dragon Age)
Comments: 3
Kudos: 36





	forgiveness

**Author's Note:**

> A little idea that I had since Cullen and Leliana are both in Inquisition and they both have history with Amell. Enjoy!

Cullen sat down next to Leliana, the two of them content with the silence between them as they watched Cassandra and their towering Inquisitor spar for the entertainment of a few nobles that currently resided in Skyhold. It was amusing, really, they knew that Allanaah was holding back, that she didn't want to crush the Seeker on accident but Cullen knew that no matter how much their Inquisitor tried to hold back, Cassandra would goad the qunari woman into going further than she had before.

"They are impressive, are they not?" Leliana broke their companionable silence before taking a long, slow drink from her glass. "My love, she used to fight with Sten when we were trying to stop the madness that was the Blight." 

He didn't want to admit the clench in his heart when he heard Leliana talking about Alandra, the mage, the  _ woman  _ that he had been infatuated with from the start. They had been sweet on each other, sneaking glances and conversation when the others weren't looking. He remembered her to be patient, he remembered her as kind, slow to anger and if he pressed himself enough, he could vaguely remember her soft hands and the way she had cradled him that one time a fight got out of hand in the tower.

"Oh?" He asked instead, curious to know what she got up to after she left the Tower, and him, for good. It had been ten years since they'd seen each other and it was either the Maker having a sense of humour or a sick sense of justice that he brought Leliana and him into the same fight. 

Leliana smiled absentmindedly, her gaze far, far away from them and the sparring taking place several yards away. She was in another world, no doubt, a different time when she was younger, more innocent and falling in love all over again with the woman who saved Fereldan. "It was good natured, of course. He did not take kindly to it at first, but Alandra… she had a way of making you come alive, a way of making you believe in her and that she knew what was best." 

A shout distracted them momentarily as Cassandra had been floored by Allanaah, the Qunari dropping her blades to fret over the Seeker. Cassandra allowed herself to be pulled to her feet, a surprisingly easy laugh escaping her as she shoved Allanaah backwards with her shield. An almost feral grin crossed purple lips before they went right back to sparring, scandalized and intrigued gasps filling the gap between Cassandra hitting the ground to the first clash of blades.

Cullen let the distraction get to him, keeping his mind off of the question that burned within him. He remembered how beautiful and kind Alandra was, she was eager to share and spread that kind of joy to anyone who would give her the time of day. Such as is the curse of memories, he also remembered breaking her heart that night they found him in the Circle, she, Leliana, Wynne and the now King of Fereldan, Alistair. The words he said to her, his conviction that all mages were threats, his downright  _ terrorism  _ as he accused the woman he loved once of being a demon all haunted him. Of course, he didn't believe any of that  _ now _ , he knew that mages were as nuanced and flawed as anyone else, but the thoughts…

He steeled his resolve. The only way to ever  _ know  _ was to ask and seeing as Leliana, easily the most dangerous woman in the Inquisition, was the best source of information for him. "Did she…"

"Yes." Leliana's voice turned stone cold, sending a shiver down Cullen's spine. "We had grown close by then, so the night after the Circle, I was who she sought out." 

He grimaced at the thought of the Circle, he'd been traumatized but he still felt remorse over his actions.

"She had no illusions about winning you over to our cause, she merely hoped that you were alive. Then we  _ did  _ find you, alive, praying to the Maker as you were. I saw the joy, the elation on her face despite all the horror that surrounded us and I held hope that she would finally have her peace." The spymaster twisted her cup in her hands before placing it down, replacing it with a dagger and a whetstone. The sharpening motions shouldn't have made Cullen as nervous as they did but they were having a serious talk and he knew how fiercely Leliana loved and protected…

"Oh." He said weakly.

"I held her as she bared her soul to me that night, as she sobbed and raged worse than any hellfire could. I watched this brave, incredible woman, this woman I would have followed into the Fade itself over and over again if it meant that I could be by her side… the woman who commanded respect, who  _ earned  _ her respect when her title did nothing to lend to her power… I watched her break. Over  _ you _ ." The venom in her tone made it absolutely clear to Cullen that there was resentment there and he would not blame her if she did not forgive him, if Alandra hadn't forgiven him…

A coiled, guilty feeling settled inside his stomach. He knew now that because of his words that he caused Alandra pain, he hurt the one person he had cared about outside of his family in one of the worst ways possible. Maker forgive him for what he said because he was sure she hadn't.

A dark chuckle escapes Leliana, heightening Cullen's fear. "Worst thing about all of that was? She forgave you." That had to be the most surprising thing to come out of the spymaster's mouth in the entire time that he had known her. "She cried to me about how it was unfair, how many people lost their lives or had them ruined because of Uldred's selfish deal with a demon. She cried for you and she helped  _ me  _ forgive you because I had sworn that I would kill you for breaking her heart."

The silence between them came back as Allanaah and Cassandra finished their sparring. The women laughed easily between themselves, toweling off with rags that Sera and Iron Bull threw at them while cheering raucously at them. It seemed that the nobility around them enjoyed the show too, talking excitedly about how exhilarating it was to see two of the strongest warriors in the Inquisition sparring with low stakes.

Cullen wanted to say more, say  _ anything  _ but if he was honest, he was feeling more than a little overwhelmed. Feelings that had lain dormant for a decade resurfaced, demanding attention, seeking resolution after being shoved out of the way for so long. He didn't know  _ what  _ to say, let alone how to start processing this and he was grateful to Leliana for not saying anything as he worked through the feelings in his head.

Josephine had joined them before they could resume their conversation, her arrival creating an unspoken agreement between them that the rest of this conversation could wait until they were alone. "I've heard we are expecting a visitor today, the letter did not state much but I believe it is one of Ser Blackwall's Warden comrades." The diplomat said, ever eager to impress someone new with their operation at Skyhold. 

Leliana and Cullen exchanged an unsure glance. A visitor? A Warden? This was the first that they were hearing about this.

"A Warden?" Cullen asked, ready to brave Josephine's ire at not remembering if they had a guest if she had told them ahead of time about an important dignitary or a soldier such as this.

Instead, she smiled at them before she went over to shoo Cassandra and Allanaah to go wash off so they were presentable in time for their guest.

"No need to hurry them, Ambassador." A not quite familiar voice startled them as someone from the nobility stepped forward. The lithe figure removed her cowl and  _ everyone  _ recognized the Warden-Commander rank stitched on the back of her cloak. "I have been eager to meet the Herald and unfortunately, have been through far worse greetings than this."

Leliana jumped up, far more excited than Cullen had seen her in the entire time that he's known her as she ran over to greet Alandra with a tight hug. 

Well, if he were to talk about what happened, then perhaps it was best to ask forgiveness from the woman he hurt directly.


End file.
